I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
