well you can't waste a boner
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
