that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
