I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This baby is an asshole
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
