its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
