I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
