do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
