He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
God I need to hump something, right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
