OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
