this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
