Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you had me at cake vodka
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
