if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
