Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
