u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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