Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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