thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
