Its about making memories worth repressing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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