every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
