Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
