Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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