At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pants are for mortals
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
