Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
