someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
