I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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