I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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