phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
