How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching her eat just hurts me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
