Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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