I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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