Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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