i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
