How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
