You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
