It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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