How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
