so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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