Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
