fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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