oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As shirtless as possible
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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