Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
