I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
