so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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