he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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