Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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