your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
