She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
