I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
