Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
