I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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