I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
