Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
