my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
