FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
