maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
