Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
