I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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