I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
