a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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