I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
