she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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