currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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