What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm too high and old for this...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
