I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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