we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
