we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
