Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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