did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
