I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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