I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
