I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
