He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So vagazzling was a success
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
