Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
