Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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