The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
