I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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